Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Self-Hatred and Bagel Belly


Doesn't every woman have it?

I go through phases myself. Part of my "resolutions" for 2012 is to embrace myself - with more positivity and less self-hatred. Many of you who know me, you may quite possibly think how can this woman be any more positive? Sadly, it's confession time - I am my own worst enemy. I want to focus this post on all the positive attributes I have (many of which may be parallel to your amazing attributes). I will literally go from head to toe with reminders of all the great things about my body. Let's quell the self-hatred, let's love the curvy girl we are in once and for all.


My feet are feet. They are pretty ugly. However, with each callous I am reminded that these long feet have helped me run countless miles and many road races. These feet help me chase after my children. These feet dig for sand dollars and kick away from pinching crabs. My beautiful feet.


My legs are big, especially my thighs. My father used to remind me to watch out for those dreaded "thunder thighs" and I used to quiver with fear at the thought. My "thunder thighs" surge and allow me to hike up my favorite mountains. My strong hamstrings will outdo most in hip bridges at the gym. My enormous quads provide for countless giddy-ups as the little one sits on my ankles and rides my legs up and down for hours.


Oh boy. Where do I begin? I do know my buttocks could provide enough bacon to feed an entire South African nation. However, despite the cellulite that looms, one could bounce a quarter off my strong and powerful gluteus maximus! Go ahead, ask me to flex and you can feel for yourself how strong and tight my maximus really is! (Yes! I did just give you permission to grope my rear!). These sinewy muscles also propelled my oversized and curvy girth up a steep hill whilst doing sprints against a much younger and much more fit opponent at the gym last year. Boooo-yeeeahhhhhh! Oh, and these wide hips - they are the most comfortable baby seat ever. Take that Baby Bjorn.


After birthing three babies, there's nothing positive at all to say - other than I can amuse these three babies quite well with "bagel belly" demonstrations. You know, you cup both hands around your belly button and squeeze. Voila, a fresh and fleshy bagel. (No! I will NEVER give you permission to see my bagel belly). And yes, I used to have a belly button ring because I had abs!


I used to dislike my back. Although, honestly, I never really paid it much attention. My back has given endless piggy-backs and provided a strong, sturdy saddle for the horsey rides. In the past year, I have been complemented on how strong my back looks. Really? Okay! (And yes, I did check it out in the mirror with my neck twisted owl-like to see!)


I used to complain about my boobs. They were too big. Too long. (Yes, I said LONG.....that's another story for another day). I used to have to wear 3 bras (Yes, I've said that before and I'll say it again) to the gym to run. Over the Shoulder Boulder Holder in triplicate. And my boobs still gave me black eyes. My husband liked my curvy "fun bags" (???? I will never ask). A little twist of fate and a bit of a scare, my boobs are vastly modified - and now hopefully healthy; but I appreciate that these mounds of flesh are indeed mine, however imperfect as they may be still. These breasts are my close visual reminder of living my life to its fullest because we just never know when it may be taken away.


I have a big head. Seriously. Look at my pictures. My head always dwarfs everyone else. (Yes, it's been measured by medical doctors and confirmed to me that it is large. However, I was also told it's to house my ENORMOUS brain! So there!). However, my head houses my blue eyes which I am quite fond of. My nose - well, it's kind of cute! I like my freckles (my beloved grammy used to tell me each freckle was a kiss from the sun!).

For all the times I start to tear myself down, I allow my self-hatred to be in control - and I'm learning that is unacceptable. I am empowering my curvy girl control freak and I will ONLY (okay, okay, most of the times) embrace this miracle vehicle in which I was born. My exterior may have morphed in the past three decades, but only once has this body let me down. My body needed a massive over-haul because I ran it into the ground. It's only right that I do a major mental tune-up; a frame of mind to complement the highly functioning machine of where I reside. Are you with me?

No comments:

Post a Comment