Thursday, October 11, 2012

Happily Ever After?

Do you ever find that our lives can be ridiculously circular?  I have always likened my life ride to that of a roller coaster; you have ups, you have downs and when it's not thrilling, you are most certainly hanging on for dear life. Yes, I have said that before. But, I am noticing again that sometimes our journey circles around in familiar patterns; and I see trends amongst my peers.

About five years ago, my best gal and I were discussing how it seemed everyone we knew was getting divorced. Our observation was when couples hit the 7-10 year mark, most marriages in our social group started to fall apart.  Was it that infamously cliched seven year itch?  Was it boredom?  Was it just the popular thing to do?

Once again, I am noticing that some marriages are in a rut, on the verge of cracking or have fallen apart. Is it the circle of marital life?  Is it too easy to up and leave your marriage?  Is it societal pressures of non-stop travel for work?  Possibly the bulging strain of two person career household with the demands of several young children and their schedules?

I have been there. My husband and I were very close to a split about a year after my son was born. We were both working full time jobs; we had two kids and we had NO money. The pressures on us were tantamount to anything we had ever experienced before. We had to figure out how to sail our ship or jump off before the marital vessel sank. I do not have the answers, but somehow, we persevered.

Like every other marriage, we have had our moments - our highs, our rock bottom lows and yes, everything in between.  We still do.

My husband broke my heart during my chemotherapy. He did. I will not share those details because it would do no one any good.  Honestly, I was not sure how my heart would move forward and how I would patch the gaping hole left by a bad decision on his behalf. Somehow, over time, he has mended  that hurt with a million good small deeds to reaffirm my love for him.

I am a great wife. Ha ha. I am!  However, I will not be so blinded as to think I am perfect, because I know I am not. My hubs has managed to perfect - PERFECT, I tell you - the ultimate eyeball roll.  I am sure because of me.  Hey, he is allowed his circular cycle with me as well.  There have been rare moments over our sixteen year marriage that he has made me feel like the only girl on Earth.  How he can make me shudder with gleeeeee!  (NO, I am NOT talking about that..........that's another blog!)  BUT.......(you were waiting for that BUT weren't you?)......many nights he is content with my company, simply by my virtue in the same residential property he may be in.  Come on, we have all felt like roommates before right?
Okay, okay, here it is:   I dream about other men.  I do.  Wipe your coffee dribble off your chin and admit to yourself that you dream about other men, too!  It is only normal!  Now, for is simple.  I have two boyfriends.  Yes.  I do.  What?  My husband is fully aware of it as I make no secret of it.  Are you still shaking your head?
It was about that time, when my husband and I were in our deepest pit of marriage and a new man came on the scene; a man that took my breath away.  Sexy beyond measure, eyes that could smoulder your heart with a mere glance and a voice that could smooth over any troubles......ahhhhhhh.
So, this man is completely unreachable, untouchable, totally and very much out of my league!  He is safe.  My husband "approves" of my swooning for this man and actually helps me to enjoy him now.  I am sure that the millions of young women fans that Adam Levine has ensures my man's confidence that I will never get anywhere with beautiful Adam, that is outside of my head! 
Now wait, for any men that may be reading this - it is VERY different for women!  I am not going to bed with Adam's face plastered over my husbands.  No.  That would not be very nice and no, that would not work for me.  My fondness for Maroon 5's front stud only seems to get me fired up.  He smirks at me with that gentle smile and pierces those sweet eyes at ME!  Yes, <shamefully> through the TV screen but back off sweet women, he's MINE MINE MINE MINE!
My second boyfriend is on probation.  How dare he get married again?  To a lovely, very much younger blonde.....what could he be thinking?  Ryan Reynolds, you almost lost my adoration when you married Scarlett. Two strikes, buddy.  Two strikes.
For those of you that may be shaking your head in dismay, do not fret - my man has his fair share of girlfriends, too.  I approve of his choices:  Rachel Weitz, Kate Winslet and  I am sure quite a few others.  Whether he puts one of their faces on mine, well, I cannot tell you as I do not know.  (Not sure I want to know).
In any event, when it comes down to it, when I envision my life without my spouse, without my partner in crime for the past two decades......well, I honestly cannot envision it at all.  There are days, where the grass in my male friends' yards look incredibly much, much greener and I toy around with hopping the fence. 

I reflect and look at my marriage as an investment.  For me, all the time and effort I have deposited into this asset, it would be a huge loss to invest in a different marital fund.  No, I am not talking about money.  I wonder if we viewed marriage as a life investment, if as many people would not walk away from all they have deposited into their asset.  Sure, like Wall Street, there are so many external variables on the growth (and loss) of our net gains from marriage.  For me,  I have trust that the capital gain of my vows will only grow more valuable with time.   (And Adam and I will live happily ever after, in my head).

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