Thursday, May 31, 2012

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall


Pre-menstrual syndrome.  Do I need to spell out that godforsaken, emotional, mental basketful of goo that us lovely women get to enjoy every 28 days or so.

Sometimes, I swear that the surge of progesterone is likely to rival any hallucinagenic (although, I personally cannot attest to's what I imagine it to be).  Maybe that explains that crazy man who ate another man's face off earlier this week in Miami.  Admit it, you have had those moments of hormonal rage that could make you want to think about face chomping......(in my household, it's usually the testosterone of my family that incites my flesh off bone imagery).

In any event, with the surge of my hormones, my body image swells like one of those soak in water overnight creatures your kids get in goodie bags.  Yes, from the time I have gone to bed and have risen in the morning, I look in the mirror and this is honestly what I see.  (Note the brain searing image on your left).  <------------
So maybe I am PMS-ing while I write this....but I do not lie, nor do I exaggerate.  (You can stop laughing a the exaggerate)!  That picture is how my brain depicts the reflection of my mirror for a few days once a month!  My husband tries to persuade me that is definitely NOT how I look, with a master level of disgust and how would I ever fathom myself looking like that.  I remain stunned that he cannot see what it is that I so clearly see. 

Can hormones really warp your vision for a few days?  I say hormones are a weapon of mass destruction.  Imagine if us women were in charge of the world!

Late last week as I was having a particularly "fat" feeling day, a friend and I were chatting, and she said something that, well, stopped me in my tracks.  As I was whining about my weight, she simply said, "...but not everyone is as beautiful as you are."  I simply poo-poo'd her with her ridiculous compliment.  I do not see myself as beautiful.  Really, though - who does?!?  My friend came back with a compliment so bitch-slapping powerful that it stopped me dead, speechless for a few moments......"You are so gorgeous, it's actually disorienting!"  Wait.  What?

How could I not take this compliment from a friend who is known for her absolute brutal honestly (which I find awesomely refreshing, by the way).  I thanked her and smiled to myself for a little while.  One, because it's so great when a woman genuinely pays another woman with a compliment.  Two, because she made me feel, at that moment, I may have looked like this super-star Gabrielle Reece.

I further thought to myself, what a shame.  I absolutely feel 100% beautiful, powerful, strong, confident and so much more on the INSIDE.  What is wrong with me that I cannot feel it on the outside?  What exactly will it take to make me feel it on the outside?  I have many beautiful friends and I would feel so badly if they admitted this is how they feel.  Yet, I'm sure there are many of you out there, right?

With that observation, and amongst the salt-lick bloat of the remaining days of PMS, I try to remind myself of this image below.....there are a couple of weeks every month where I am actually disorientingly beautiful (and always, as any Curvy Girl mom will tell you -actually disoriented!  Who isn't with three kids?!?).  I cannot promise that I won't have any more fat days, but  I will try to have a more balanced perspective. 

Tell me, how do you see yourself?

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