Things That Make You Go Hmmmmm

These past few weeks, I have had several moments....several things that seriously make you go "Hmmmmmm."  "What the fudge" moments; moments that make me really want to find a soft corner, so I may curl up in the fetal position and suck my thumb.

Fudgy Hmmm Moments, they go quite like this:

• My husband proudly announcing since we started the whole vegan/vegetarian thing earlier this spring, well, he has lost 16 pounds.  Yes, dear, I am so pleased for you!  Yes, dear, you look like a stud.  Yes, dear, I really want to kick you in the face and throw a massive hissy fit.  (I am down 9 and holding.....and I work out a gazillion times harder than he does and I did NOT have two greasy cheeseburgers last weekend.  Please refer to last week's post, Life Is NOT Fair).
• I am about to be married sixteen years.  Yes, you read that right.  SIXTEEN.  16.  SWEET FABULOUS SIXTEEN.  I have been married just shy of half of my life.  May 25, 1996. 
•  My daughter is just three months shy of high school.  I am NOT old enough to have birthed a freshman.  Dang, , I agree she looks remarkably like me, but I swear my 24 year old vagina did not birth her.  Hmph, okay, I am a terrible liar. 
•  Yes, we are shopping for semi-formal dresses.  You know the kind.....strapless, mid-thigh, all feminine beauty aspect enhancing dresses.  My jock daughter is going for the absolute knock-out look for her semi-formal and I am hyperventilating into a plastic bag.
•  Said daughter will be going to Washington, DC for her class trip for four days.  She has never been away from her mommy's vagina (wait, that's right, I didn't birth her).  She will be fine.  I will be in that aforementioned fetal position.  I am thankful for whomever invented the cell phones.  Thank you.  I will be that mom that texts her daughter. 
•  My son.....will be a middle schooler.  The son who has suddenly embraced showering daily.  The son who has suddenly started fumigating the house with body spray in the early morning hours.  The son who was fixing his hair in my car reflection before scrimmaging the girls' soccer team last week.  The son who reminds me on a daily basis that he is "Awesome!" and he's got "swag".  What happened to dinosaurs and Bob The Builder?  <Insert sucks my thumb>
•  My "better" half who has demonstrated for the upteenth time that his smaller size pants in his closet now fit him wonderfully!  Won't I have another look?  He wants to know, why do I wear the same pants all the time?  Why won't I wear some shorts when it's 88 degrees outside?

 Hmmmm, I guess I have no choice but to continue on doing boot camp.  I will embrace the lightning speed in which my children are growing; I may not like some of it...but I will have to etch each milestone in my memory bank.  I will celebrate my anniversary milestone and truly, truly be happy my husband has embraced our new healthy lifestyle.  Because I know, all my flubs and flabalanches will be loved by him regardless of whether or not I approve of my current body image.  With that, I dedicate a very Happy Anniversary to my spouse, my partner in crime, the daddy-o of my children, my own personal comedian, the guy who has put up with so much in our long time together.  <3