I was at a wedding this weekend in which all the lovely, graceful, and serene women holding flowers up by the huppa, in their green Marilyn Monroe style dresses, teary eyed and smiling at the couple, all spend their down time in....a roller derby arena.
I want that.
I want to be a roller derby girl! But I don't want to get bumped or thrown about. And I am not a good skater. And I am not really good at being aggressive in that manner without being provoked. And I don't want to be provoked....hmmm.
Yes, it was my monthly dose of the " awww! I wanna do that!" coming out as I met new people who do interesting things, or see people jumping from a plane or gliding through the air. When I hear them say ...."so then after hiking Mt Everest we...."and think, "You what? When? Why didn't you call me? (even though I don't know you.) Why didn't I climb that?"
I sound just like my 5 year old at a store. "Canni haff dat? Aww. Why? Why canni haff dat? Awww. Canni haff dat over dere? Awww? No? Why canni haff dat over dere?"
Of course, I can. I can climb a mountain and I have the Groupon to jump out of a plane. I can learn to dance and I can elbow hot chicks on roller skates. I can take a writing class, learn to ink Japanese characters, build someone a house. It is all in the actual doing. It is in what puts a fire in my belly.
Then I feel all middle aged. The fire burning is more in my chest as I worry about the next call for work, the math test my eldest has, the oil bill, the cat pissing where she wants (motherfu.....) the mold forming on my "all by myself porch rocker", the new car, the happiness of my parents. I have to clear all that clutter away a bit and figure out what to do next to feed the part of me that needs accomplishment outside of what is expected of me.
Stirring up the embers in my potbelly stove. Feel free to inspire me....