The children missed them too. They all grabbed their own baby albums and started looking at themselves and their siblings. Ooh and ahhing and remembering things. Or pretending to remember things. It was like looking at my babies I had lost long ago when they decided to grow up. (Frankly, I am pleased they are growing up. But what cute babies they were.)
And a baby shot of Brendan is clearly related to the newest of family members, my brother in law's son.
Those goddamn pants- the only ones that fit after having her; worn every damn day because my scale would not move. My hiding behind little toddler bodies so I wasn't huge in the shot...
Thank goodness I was in that shot.
Thankfully I knew to pose for that picture so I could exist in these memories, even if I hated myself. Because now I love myself in the memories.
In that frame. I was there.
This picture hangs on Evie's wall.
"There I am with you, Evie. Yes, I am holding you snug."
And Evie says "Num." She actually sighs at the picture that I was about to bail from. (And she wears high heels on her hands. Classic.)
I am taking fewer photos now it seems sometimes. I want the camera out more as my parents age, and yet hesitate...will I love those pictures? Do I want to remember them at their oldest? Their weariest?
Yes, fat pants, and bad skin, and 80s hair, and a crying child recovering for a picture.
Aging parents, and a shot from behind while in a bathing suit- yes. Capture it.
Capture red faced and braces and stolen hugs and falling asleep in cushion forts.
Capture a far off look and a laugh with the double chin.
The technology that enables us to delete the digital snapshots is almost a sin when it comes to capturing real moments.
Capture the classic spaghetti photo, the terrified look while on a carnival ride, the before morning coffee- kid has your camera- took a picture of you- and you grumbled- shot.
Many of us are thinking about some children in our community who will be growing up without their mom. After a long fight, a time has come for whatever lies next for her.
Kiss with morning breath.
Hug the asshole cat.
Let them spin on the office chair.
Take apart 2 double stuff oreos and build a quadruple stuff.
Look at them.
Be in them.