Every now and then I realize that I am a total chick…..no, not a chick in the cute, little, cheeping and yellow way…..nor a chick in the club hotness rating kind of way; but an emotional chick kind of manner. I do not know about you, but I cannot STAND being an emotional chick. No way. This tough, badass, strong woman cannot be an emotional mess. Ever. EVER.
But sometimes I am. I am trying to find the acceptance that it is okay to be an emotional diva at times (no, it’s not)…..but I struggle with my emotions (am I a head case?) and I am finding out that some of my lovely curves may be attributed to my emotionally challenged attitude (see, I am a head case).
Like many women, I can blame my emotional roller coaster on that once monthly pre-menstrual Tarzan swing of hormones. I am not a bitch by any means (no, you may not ask my family if they agree). However, I do find myself just a little shorter in patience….you know, instead of rolling my eyes at my son torturing his younger sister, I find myself visualizing the gory act of ripping his face off, through all seven layers of epidermis. Yes, that cat that has tripped me for the umpteenth time today is about to become coyote food. [Insert maniacal Tarzan scream here]. Total crazy chick.
However, some other times I have emotional ascents and descents: spikes that peak at the highest atmospheric level, but then drop like a G6 to the deepest bowels of the Grand Canyon. I know I am not unlike many of you, but I do find it harder at times to cope with the navigation through the pits and valleys of the lows. I find that, like my parents were before me, I am an emotional eater. I use food to cope at times; such a vicious cycle when you are trying to lose weight and get to a healthy size for optimal health.
When I feel good, I am soaring…I am confident…I can conquer the world (let alone my weight and health). When I feel emotional, I hate myself, I demoralize myself, I beat myself up silly…..and I go and find something to eat.
What do the experts say? They say find a diversion: Go for a walk. Read a book. Take a bath. Drink water. Really. Really. REALLY?!? How come they NEVER say find a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and a bottle of wine? How about I walk around my house in circles while I tongue my spoon full of marshmellowy, chocolatey, fishy foody goodness? Maybe I can sit in my tub full of rose smelling bubbles; candles lit and savor my Cline Cashmere red in a fancy glass to the sweet sounds of Enya.
HAVE ANY OF THESE EXPERTS EVER HAD CHILDREN?
Do they know that the mere option of going for a walk alone, finding time to read a book or the allure of a “Calgon, Take Me Away” moment is all a fantasy?!?!?
So, instead of calling me an emotional head case, what I have learned is that these expert diversions do not work for me during my emotionally weak moments. I have yet to identify what works for me as a whole. I have realized that there are a few key activities that put me in a happy place without effort:
- Spending time with friends on unexpected late afternoons is quite cathartic.
- Finding a few moments to read the latest book craze, “The Hunger Games” is a perfect time out.
- Believe it or not, cooking is very much a release (despite the fact that the food that I fear is right in front of me), so I am always trying to whip up some delicious and yet, healthy meal. Yes, you heard me right – if you want to keep me sane, ask me to cook for you!
Because I have yet to earn my millions to purchase my place on the shore, a place where I can stare incessantly at the ocean and get lost within myself, I will continue on and find ways to patch up the emotional colander that I can be – I am nurturing the inner chick, flaws and all.....