Removing "baggage"

How do I feel about plastic surgery?

I don't know.

I wish I could be that empowered and self accepting woman that says that plastic surgery is unnecessary....but there is a part of me that wants it. Maybe not ever for my face. And yes, I will shock those who know me and share that it isn't for boobs. (As in- no boob job. As in- not talking about an enlargement. As in- I am serious, stop laughing.)

I want to lose the loose skin on my belly. I want to bid kanga pouch adieu. I have had it for a long time- even before the babies. It is what carried over from my childhood of XL. When I no longer had to wear the "continentals" (what one brother dubbed my husky undies) I started to get to know a little forlorn belly button. Always looking downward. So sad.

Sad little belly button.

: (

Then I went and had 3 kids in 4 years...gaining and losing 50lbs 4 times in my life. I am shocked you don't hear an off key accordion sigh when I take a deep breath. Seriously.

When I was younger, I would have loved a boob job. I would have been the only person to ever request a large B, I am sure, but I just wanted to put my hips in perspective- looking for balance. But then I kept picturing myself after death (DARK, I know. I am warm and fuzzy like that) and kept seeing 2 little B bags of saline sitting in my coffin. Little jello like ripples running through them with an earthquake.....That was enough to get me off that fence and back on to the au natural side of things.

But I climbed that fence again after a few years of gym and mindful eating. When I would say to someone "feel these abs!!" and I would watch their finger get dough-boyed by my stomach before they hit the muscle, I would think- I should get rid of that. Oh, that awkward moment when they are thinking, "oh my god, what is she praising and how do I get out of this uncomfortable finger envelopment??" before they hit the hard stuff and shot eyebrows up in surprise (and lingering discomfort)... I want to cut out the dough and go right to the muscle. I want to not have to tuck in my belly along with a shirt in the morning. I want to be in plank position and not have the belly dripping towards the floor.

It isn't medically necessary. I am not post Biggest Loser skin situation that can become a health hazard. It is all vanity. Alllllll vanity.

But is that OK?

Can I be vain about that?

I don't color my hair or style it really. I wear corduroys (you know that) and an oversized Pink Revolution fleece. I have 4 items of make up. My house is a wreck. I think maybe I can be vain about this.

But can I pay for it? Can I put down that cash into myself instead of into a trip to Disney? Instead of into whatever betterments necessary in the new house I want to buy? I mean, Pier 1 and I could get reeeally intimate with that money. I could get the maxx for the not so minimum. I could buy a whole cow, pig, and handful of chickens from Open Meadow Farm. Be in bacon for years....

But that non pouch reward...I want it. I don't know how committed I am to that want....but I am feeling like my relationship with that want is getting serious. Like we might give each other a key soon or something. It is going somewhere.....but I am a commitment phobe with myself. Always have been.