Climbing Out of the Pit of Diabetic Despair

You all know how it goes. You grow up, you get married, and you have kids. You don’t think anything can happen to you. You are young. You are strong. You have always been at an “acceptable” weight. Until you aren’t. What happened? Good question. I call it LIFE. Not an excuse, but a reason, a definition that makes you, rolls and all, you.

Somewhere on the road to becoming a mother, I was told to lose weight. My sugar levels were too high. So I did. I lost 20lbs and got pregnant the next month. Then I gained it back after the baby. Then I got pregnant again. Then I lost 50lbs after baby. THIS time, I will keep it off. I HAVE to, you see, I had gestational diabetes. Not the good ole kind that you can control with diet. Nope. I had the full blown, 4 shots a day in the thigh kind. Wow. I had my son at 30; I am all set with that. I will not gain the weight. I will not. I.can.not.

But, I did. And then some. And now I am here. Yup. I should just staple the big D on my chest, for let it be known from this day forth, I have diabetes. I am a diabetic. What does that mean? Well, for one I am ashamed. I am mad. I am disappointed in myself. I am human. I threw myself into the best ever pity party the day of my diagnosis. The pit of diabetic despair (Princess Bride, anyone?) …that is where I went. For a full day. Alone & sad. I had some booze, I cried and I thought of nothing but why me? I went to that dark scary place that always lurks around the edges. The one I don’t want to go to again. This was the pity party of epic proportion, I tell you!

I woke up the next morning, slightly hung-over. But I heard the best noise ever. My kids were laughing at cartoons. Belly laughing. That laugh that as a mother, you know what I mean, it could bring you to your knees. I knew. This is it. This is my new day. (Not to sound cliché, I didn’t hear music after all!)

I went out and joined Weight Watchers. I ate better, I walked, I worked out and by Christmas, I was down 20 lbs. Since then, I have lost another 7lbs. And I feel good. I am not as shaky. I am not as moody. I have so much more energy. I am not as sweaty! (YEAH!) I LOVE my curves, I really do. I just know that I can’t have as many as I once had. So, I am still working on losing some curves. And it is hard, but what I am gaining is so much better. I am gaining years with my husband and children. Years of memories, happiness and fun.

And now I say so long flabby ass and wiggly arms. I say that having diabetes will not define me. I will not let it. I stand in front of you in all my curvy glory and know that I will beat this. I AM BEATING THIS.

Now get out and sweat.

~Kim Kunce