Thursday, August 2, 2012

Suck This

Okay, now that the caption caught your attention......

It is quite interesting to learn how things impact you; especially as you age.  I have noticed quite the metamorphosis, over my three decades of life, in how I have changed in my relationships; I like to think that I have blossomed from a truly larval stage into quite the butterfly.

My twenties were heavily weighted with fear of what people thought of me and more burdened with pleasing people; making sure they liked me and had positive thoughts of me.  My thirties allowed me to evolve into a more secure being insomuch that I could care less of what people thought of me - although, I am still slightly challenged and strive to please people.  Seriously, you don't like me?  That's too bad and a total loss for you.  My personality is not for everyone and I am totally okay with that.  If you like me (or love me), we are going to have one heck of an adventure strap that seatbelt on tight and let's goooooooooooo!

Obviously, my cancer experience molded my morphing character quite dramatically.  It is totally cliche and rather true when people tell you that cancer changed their lives.  Each and every day, I wake up and I give gratitude for another day in this world; another day to snuggle with my children, to laugh with my husband, and to deal with the cards life hands me.

The cards handed to me often include a real Debbie Downer.  You know that person.  Right?  I bet everyone of us can instantly name that one or two people that  That person who can find no positive in the world.  That person who comments on auto-drive about everyone else and everything that goes "wrong".  That person who's life "sucks" and how they are just not understanding on how they could be dealt so much bad "stuff" in their life.

Suck this.

Okay, I will spare you my pedestal preach here - we all know that these people need a reality check....or a perspective re-alignment (my favorite phrase).  However, I have come to learn in this decade that we cannot change people.  Debbie Downer needs to find it within herself (or himself) to find their change themselves.  Most of these Debbie Downers are so unhappy with their own lives; they are caught in a viscious circle and this circle has become their norm.  I cannot change her life.  You cannot change her life.  Only Ms. Downer herself has that ability, that control....and yes, it is entirely within her control.

I speak from experience - as I was a Debbie Downer myself in my twenties.  I sit here in my thirties and realize I exhausted way too much energy into my then negative circle.  I also sit here and realize that it is exhausting and quite frankly, a downer, to be in the company of a Debbie Downer.  I cannot change this person, but I can change ME.  I can remove myself from the company of this negative nilly.  Yes!  It's as simple as that.

Okay, so maybe it's not that simple.  I have had relationships change drastically because I was being sucked dry.  I struggle with it occasionally because I love this person (or these people).  However, I cannot enable their behavior around me, or in front of my family.  What's one to do???? 

Life is really too short and I want to surround myself with people who bring out the best in me.  Is that selfish?  Perhaps.  Is it healthy?  Absolutely.  You see, I want to be bursting at the seams with happiness in my life.  That does not mean every day will be a happy day; however, with my perspective re-alignment, I can find some happiness in every day!  The sheer fact of being alive is often a very basic reminder for my own butt kick into the rainbowy side of things!

How do you cope with your Debbie Downer?  Do you struggle with being in the company of that person?  Have you lost a relationship because of a Debbie Downer?

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