Monday, January 30, 2012

Not Fair!

It’s not fair. It’s just not.

You know what I’m talking about.

Each time you decide to embrace your New Years Resolutions head on….and your husband decides to join you. The fridge is stocked with an abundance of fresh vegetables and shiny fruit. Your exercise routine is mapped and planned. Your workout clothes are prepped and waiting for your body.

You follow your plans as if they are the new life code. Every salad digested and you have sweated your weight in water.

And then IT happens.

Your husband enthusiastically shares he has lost 5 pounds! As he fist pumps and struts his body like a newly feathered peacock, you sneak away to see if you can share in his glory.

You tenderly step on the scale…..hoping if you distribute your weight kindly, the scale will show you what you want to see. One foot. Another foot. You cannot stand to peek.

And then IT happens.

You realize that little piece of crap. How dare the equipment lie to you! You have eaten nothing but according to your carefully thought out eating plan! How dare you! I have exercised five times this week!

Your anger rises like the fury of Mt. St. Helens about to erupt. It has got to be PMS! Yes, that’s it. Even though you just ended your cycle a week before, that was part of the master plan. It’s water. Yes. I drank so much water yesterday that my body has yet to release it. Frig. I ate regular ranch dressing on my salad on Wednesday. You immediately swear to using only vinegar going forward.

You realize that the “Whoots” coming from the other room is your husband, who is still celebrating his 5 pound weight loss. You start to panic and plot an escape plan. Your husband cannot know that despite the same eating and exercise plan, you have only lost 1 pound.

And then IT happens.

His response is “Well, honey, you know muscle weighs more than fat!” His attempt to assuage you and make you feel better is genuine and sweet. Yet, it does not erase the fact that you would like to painfully rip his face off, layer by layer.

That brings to me to this: 5 lbs of muscle weighs exactly the same as 5 lbs of fat. Really. Do the math. 5 = 5. I have used this excuse for years and I have been the subject of this excuse from others.

5 lbs of muscle is more tightly packed and condensed than 5 lbs of fat. This is why - when the evil scale may not budge, your clothes may feel better. Your waistline may feel smaller, those thighs may glide into your pants smoothly, or more likely, your bra may feel saggier.

NO! Not THOSE curves!

Of course. The first to go is not where we want the loss....I said not in the boobs, dammit! Can't my body see that I have a gazillion pounds of fat on my inner thigh and around my belly button?!?

No. It cannot. But, that's okay, because that is how we Curvy Girls roll…..and it’s just not fair!

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