I have been trained since 9/11. My first thoughts are "I can't get in touch" and "I can't get home." And I was home during yesterday's explosions. I was. It is just my gut response from living through a couple of somethings before.
And I don't turn to the news. How can I when false reports keep coming in? It isn't news anymore. It is rumors. This just in: rumor has it that this person assumes that perhaps maybe it could be that, at least sometimes I have heard...
It won't be news until later when we can actually get facts. If someone REALLY is in custody. How many are truly injured or deceased. It just remains nightmarish.
Once the first grip has passed, I relax enough to feel. This go round I am...annoyed.
I am annoyed that I need to keep explaining evil to my children. I wasn't even going to mention a thing to them except that the kids had their usual after school activities. I wanted to clarify and smooth out anything they were possibly about to hear outside of our womb. It just becomes such a snowball of a discussion because you need to tell them the "rarity" of it (and truly, compared to some countries, we are enormously fortunate). You need to explain why something like this might have happened. That can bring up such topics as politics, religion, sickness, stupidity, prejudice, safety, patriotism, dedication, science, and really, it doesn't stop. And then I have to build up how safe they are.
They are safe.
One does have to find the good in it instead of swimming in the bad. We have all seen Fred Roger's quote around through the past few nightmares. Look for the helpers. They are all around. Then you look at the pride developed around the sore spot- like so many white blood cells running to the rescue of a city in pain. F- Yeah! Way more people doing good than the very few that produce evil. So outnumbered are they. Homes offered for those who need a place to stay, blood being donated, people rushing towards the chaos to help and save. The core of human nature erupting from those in the crowds.
I remember a lot of eye contact on the subways post September 11th.
Hello human I am sharing this city with.
It may not last forever, that intimacy of eye contact in city world, but it will surround Boston for a good amount of time. Helping. Humanizing. Healing.