To my gorgeous 3
Truly, I am sorry. Why? Well, for so many things, but most of all for the fact that – like me – you will never be able to let down your guard. You will not have the luxury of bathing yourself in junk food at parties and not having to pay the price. You will not proclaim your love of food without at least a mild pang of insecurity, for it won’t seem unbelievable, regardless of your healthy diet. If you end up anything like, me, your curves will betray your commitment to health. People will not be able to mask their surprise when you tell them you run 5k races for fun or that you eat a diet that consists largely of fresh vegetables.
It was the luck of the draw, girls. Sorry.
You will have to find other small pleasures in life to sustain you, and I can certainly help with this. I have found joy in paints and guitar strings and long walks and friends. And, more recently, I find myself overcome with joy and breathless gratitude – simply because of the gift of you.
Of the many things I have handed down to you, my fat genes are among them. And so I apologize, and I can relate. My fat genes, so you know, were handed to me from my father’s side of the family, a fact that I am not sure my own mother ever fully understood. One look at Grammy Lessard’s photo albums prove this. There she is, my paternal grandmother – who you 3 knew far too briefly but who I loved beyond measure – ranging from a happy-looking mildly
voluptuous to an all-out robust over the years. There, too – my long nose, wide smile, loving arms. There too – not a body at all but a human being, a wonderful one at that. A person full of love and generosity. Is this what others see too?
You will undoubtedly have received other blessings thanks to your lineage, from daddy and me: musical ability, a unique singing voice, confidence and cunning. Horrible eyesight and bad skin…sorry for those too. But know this: while you have gotten this most unfortunate hand-me-down of the Lessard fat gene, you have also been given the gift of a mother who understands.
My hope is that I have taught you well enough…how to eat well, how to exercise with purpose and joy, and how to live fully in the skin you’re in. My hope is that you might have even more confidence in yourself, be even stronger in your passions, care even more for yourself, than I ever have. My hope is that you will realize that there is one woman in your life who would lay down her life for yours and how could anything possibly be worth more than that? What size clothing could bring you more comfort than knowing that I am on your team, every single day of your life?
Over the years, I want you to remember this: While you will always have to watch what you eat and you will probably never know whatever joy there is in being one of those women with the tall sinewy frames, you have something that not every girl has. You have a mother who will always, always, always be your very biggest fan. I think you are the absolute best there is, all 3 of you and your size or shape, frankly, doesn’t matter to me.
I see you for everything you are in your heart – I see through your body into your soul. I know the rich gooey goodness that is YOU and I will never place any judgment on the width of your bellies or the chubbiness of your bums. I will adore you equally and fiercely. Endlessly.
With love, love and always love