Colleen- Kate writes

Can't see me

She didn't want to come out. She wasn't fighting us on it, really. She just is rarely ready for the world when the world is ready for her. To be honest- they wanted her to come early. The pitocin, the laboring, the pushing...




Colleen.

2 months

She is a late bloomer in a lot of ways, and, like her birth, I think she is asked to bloom too soon. She comes through every time, though. It can take a while, but when she does it, it is lovely, cheerful, and full of pride.

  Self Portrait in the Snow

                                                                           


It is so foreign to me, her role in her life. She is an oldest and I am the baby of my family. I have no idea what that role means for her. What it means for me is everything. I know she can solve little kid problems for her younger siblings. I know she can do it with grace and little complaint. 

I know that she will show her brother and sister more affection than I can muster to share at times. 

She fills the gaps. 
She is cement. 

Though she wants to crumble, and wonders if she is strong enough- she is. 

She loves a good picnic

I see it. It is there. 

Maybe her strength doesn't always show where she needs it- and she really just needs it for herself. She has strength in spades for those around her. Especially for me.

Sweet Colleen.

Colleen is shyly proud. 

She asks for little.

Her birthday presents always involve others being treated as well.

Colleen is a contradiction in description.

She is scared of so many, many things.

She knows she is a great person. She is sure of it. That makes my eyes sting in a good way.

She could fall through the cracks in a heartbeat, lost. That makes my eyes sting in a bad way.

Italian beauty with the Irish name

Colleen is funny. She is so very funny and not everyone sees it yet. But they will.

She is finding her ham. She is joining Drama Club. She is auditioning for things. She is sparking.

"Mom, take a picture. I am this dead guy with the eyes."

Colleen is skeptical and never 100% sure who to believe (which she manages to mix with a huge gullibility streak).

  

Eyes.

When she puts her faith in  someone to guide her, she is all in. To hear opposing views from people she loves is troublesome. This makes homework and "new math" a headache. Two people she has put her trust in are saying different things. She wants to cry. And she usually does. But through the tears comes knowledge.

Colleen is brave. She is more brave than her daring siblings. Her bravery has nothing to do with riding roller coasters or jumping in on some game. She is brave in all she does because she often is more nervous about things, but gets through it just the same. She is challenged every day and rises to the occasion. I'd say, at this point, her bravery is a given at all times. And her siblings look to her for clues on how to react and when to be cautious. She is constantly schooling them without knowing it. (And then there are the times she schools them and knows it. It has attitude. It is funnnnny.)

2nd Birthday with banana

She knows her mind. For the longest time I just figured she would go along with anything because she is always so appeasing. Then once and a while she will say "No". We are all confused for a bit, but she is strong in her stance and feeling. It makes me crazy and proud at the same time. It drives her sister mad.

Colleen writes stories and she sings. She writes songs. She reads and reads. She loves pandas and the color blue. She loves pizza and one more kiss. And one more after that. And one more hug, too.

                                

This is my tribute to you, Colleen, on your 10th Birthday. 

You deserve the world, and I know that. I don't always remember to give it to you.  

You are my mini me and for that I am touched and I am sometimes apologetic. 

I know that you make others' lives so pleasant with your comfort and tolerance.

I hope you always speak your mind, even if it makes me huff. I hope you continue to write yourself fan letters because it is just so creative, and hilarious, and good for you. 

Keep listing your awesomeness so you never forget. Or come see me, because I have the longest list to give you that I keep in my heart.