Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Do You Remember? -Kate writes

Remember when you cared about world peace? 

OK, stop looking offended. Yes, many of us still care about world peace. 

But remember when you REALLY cared about world peace because you had time to? 
The energy to? 
The drive to? 
The clarity and thought process to?

This is what I was thinking as I was cleaning the bathroom on a Friday night. Hands and knees cleaning in order to get up the urine from a 5 yr old's bad shot along with the general dirt and grime of the room. Meanwhile my middle was yelling "911" from her bed in a dying, croaky, and yet quite powerful, sobbing voice. I was counting to 10 with every sweep of the no name lysol type wipes thinking, 

"Remember when I cared about the environment?"

No, like REALLY cared about the environment enough to make my mixed cleanser in a reusable bottle and grab my trusty, washable sponges. A clean up job cots me 15 cents once upon a time. Each sheet I ripped that night I thought- 15 cents! 
15 cents for 3 sweeps and then into the trash. 
New wipe! 
15 cents! and on and on, hoping to drown out the noise coming from upstairs and the yawns coming from my head.

I battle the guilt every week when I put juice boxes or pouches in the kids' lunches because all my reusable "juice boxes" started to leak about the time I started working full time. They also may have admitted to being cancerous. And I just grabbed them and threw them in the RECYCLING! (ok?) and kept saying- I will buy more. 
I will. 
I will remember to buy more...
and then have them come home every day in 3s... 
and I will wash them in triplicate....
along with the tupperware I am so good about using...
(for realsies)
and I will then fill them again the next morning.....
if I remembered to run the dishwasher the night before. 

Why didn't you run the dishwasher? You were the last to put something in it! Yes you were! Well, now I have no clean juice boxes.....or tupperware...

(sob! I am so sorry!)

But I do care. It is like a smokey halo of caring. I just can't quite get to the heart of the caring enough to bring action. To get it all fruitioning (yes it is a word) when I just need to fold this 
and clean that 
and make this 
and drive there 
and sit and watch tv
and read. 
And write. 
Which has kicked me in the butt. And I know what I am doing tomorrow for errands.

(Friggin' tupperware juice boxes and reusable sponges)

But remember having the time? To care about world peace? Now all I have time for is the complaining about not having enough time.

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