Barf on the Shelf

I was at kickboxing class last night when the mom in front of me spontaneously broke intro a lyrical and arrogant soliloquy about how amazing she is with her Elf on the Shelf. Her long story, which commanded every one's attention and delayed the start of my fitness class by a crucial 3 minutes, actually ended with a curtsy. A freaking curtsy! Because her Elf made a mess and she made her kids help clean it up and therefore she was not only an awesome mom teaching her kids important lessons about cleaning up messes but she also wins the Elf on the Shelf mommy wars.

And it reminded me of this blog post by Jen at People I Want to Punch in the Throat. Yes, that is the title of her blog and it makes me love her, because I too want to punch Over-Achieving Elf on the Shelf mommies in the throat.

If you haven't read it -- RUN, don't walk -- over to her blog.

It came to my attention recently that not only do I suck at creating Christmas magic with my own kids, apparently I ruin it for other peoples' kids too.

Friend: You suck. Your daughter told my daughter that you told her that the elf isn't moving by himself -- that the parents do it.
Me: Yeah sorry about that, but they do. It doesn't move on its own.
Friend: I fucking know that.
Me: Well now your kids know it too.

 

But then, when I went home and had a second to think about it, I felt kind of bad. Just because I am a pragmatic and simple woman doesn't mean I need to ruin peoples' Christmas. So, friend, if you are out there reading this, I have been feeling kind of sorry.

But it doesn't make me want to punch that mommy in front of me in kickboxing class any less. It makes me want to punch her more.