Me: We are going to a birthday party.
R: OK. Do I know these people?
Me: Yes.
R: OK.
Me: I need to get a sitter.
R: Yes, get a sitter because we need to go on dates.
Me: Look, I am just trying to get to this birthday party. I don't need any more stress than that right now!
R: Right.
(2 days later.)
Me: I need to get a babysitter.
R: Yes.
(2 days later.)
Me: I need to get a babysitter.
R: Yes.
(2 days later.)
Me: I need to get a babysitter.
R: Yes.
(2 days later.)
Me: Why haven't I gotten a babysitter?
R: I have no idea.
Me: OK, I am going to ask my friend about her daughter.
R: Ask the girls across the street.
Me: No.......no.
R: OK
(I email my friend, I get her daughter's number. We set it all up. We are going to a birthday party.)
(Party Night)
Me: Come in! Thank you for coming! You know E. This is B and C.
Z: Hi.
(Various small talk and rules given. Pizza for all and we head out.)
R: All set?
Me: Yes.
R: She seems nice.
Me: Yes!
(CRRRRRRRRRRRUNCH.)
(Crickets)
R: What the....
Me: OH MY GOD!
R: Did I Just....
Me: Ohhhhhhh my loooooooooord...
R: I....
Me: You just hit her car.
(Crickets)
R: Her car?
Me: Auuuuuuuuuuugh!!!!!
(Scrambling out to check the damage.)
Me: Auuuuuuuuuuugh!!!!
(running in the house)
Me: Hey!
All: Hi........?
Me: Ummmm, we just backed into your car.
Z: you......?
Me: I am sooooooooo so sorry! It is a dent in the bumper, not really big and all should be fine.
Z: That is OK!
Me: It isn't, but sorry......I will give you our infor when we get back......cough........OK. I am going to go now for reals.
(Awkward jog/walk out of the house, bumping into stools, sleeve getting caught on doorknob.)
(Back in the car)
R:Was she mad?
Me: Not outright. She was very cool about it. We clearly are losers and are not meant to go out. We are meant to stay home and not have other cars in our driveway and should be in jammies hurting no one.
(Arrive at an ATM to get money)
R: How much do you want to get?
Me: Well, we have to pay for dinner, drinks, the babysitter....
R: OK.
(beep beep boop beep beep)
(crickets)
Me: Cough.
R: Ummmmmmm.
Me: This is taking a while...
R: Yes, nothing is happening.
Me: Huh.
Rob: I don't see a number to call for help.
Me: Does it HAVE our card or did it just dip in?
Rob: Has our card in there.
(What the hooo-kee-lau?!?!)
Me: Now what?
Rob: Do we leave?
Me: And cancel another card? That is so annoying.
Rob: I will hit cancel.
Me: YES! Hit cancel!! Yesssss!!!
(Beep)
(Beep)
(Beep)
Me: It isn't doing anything.
R: Huh.
(Beep)
(Beep)
(Beep)
(Beep)
(Beep)
(Beep)
(Beep)
(Beep)
Me: SERIOUSLY?!?! We are NOT meant to go out and have money and be out of the house and be at banks while out. Of the house. At all...
R: Did you bring your ATM card?
Me: Yes.
R: Well I guess...
Me: But then what, we just leave the card and....
(Beeeeeeep. Cooochink. Bud dum)
(card appears)
Me: Yes!!!!!!
R: We will not be giving you another chance! (Chiding directed at ATM.)
(Zoom off in a huff)
(Arrive at restaraunt. Relay story to friend A.)
Me: SO, all things happening in threes, I am not wanting to see what else will go wrong.
A: (Perplexed look)
Me: All bad things happen in 3! so WHAT evil are we waiting for?
A: (Punches me in the arm) There.
Me: Ow.
A: All done.
Me: You....ow!
A: Sangria?
(Aaaaaaaaaand Scene)
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